November 19, 2006

my thoughts have been a little blocked up as of late but they don't make a clr for everything so i'm going to try and let this flow, in the mall at midnight on saturday we spotted a man who had to have been made from the same mold as the dude from babel and the science of sleep. a movie i had anticipated the release of for almost too long when an old friend had sent me a link to the trailer practically a year before it opened in red bank. he had since moved on and not feeling complacent with seeing it with anyone else i went alone. i sat next to the empty spaces for wheelchairs in a seat with no attachments. i huddled my knees wide eyed from start to finish. as i left the theater i dreaded the walk to my car knowing i'd have to drive home when all i wanted to do was think unconditionally. when i got on the parkway instead of drifting to the left lane immediatly my instincts were hindered/ i cruised on the far right with no regaurd for the road. i used to have a problem with having to look at everyones face that passed me on the road, but at the time i forgot my own face, my name.. after all they are merely brief and false advertisements for a soul i had far too much of. my father had always been an aggressive driver, so much so it contributed greatly to my parents divorce. on that ride home as i became what i had hated, an unaware driver i had a revelation: imagine if everyone on the road i had ever snarrled at in my mind for being so careless had just left something as amazing as that movie- or more likely even greater than, i believe road rage is 100% contributed to people being angry that anyone else has something more important on their mind than driving, these people become so jealous and aggrevated that they don't have something more important to tease themselves with and react in outrage instead of finding that niche. between the statistics of death everyday and how many people we see everyday even if only in passing its likely that we see someone on the last day of their life once a week. i've been confusing my dreams with reality so much lately. but i am sure that big daddy makes me cry more than any movie and that lifted will always remind me of sarah and that holding someones hand can cure them and we can turn everything around if we waant to see some butts. i love you and you can never be too good to yourself//////////////////////////////////<3